Tempted...

I told you! It's not a cinnamon roll, it's my tail!

Please cancel all my appointments today.

It's not that I'm old...

Licked or not licked?

Well no kidding...

PICK UP YOUR FEET!

Stop telling people you have an accent...

I don't remember much from last night...

A straight jacket is just a snuggie with straps.

You're just jealous

Well I'm off to Club bed...

If you're uncomfortable around my dog...

Unless your kid's fundraiser is selling liquor bottles...

A police officer came up to me and said...

Easy way to cool off...

A mosquito landed on my friend's face...

Someone please...

Explain this Sh*t

My death bed confession is going to be epic.